Crash

Sometimes things don’t go as planned. Sometimes things don’t go at all. Right now I’m frustrated, angry, confused and demotivated. I started taking training and dieting seriously in fall last year, since then I’ve dropped a total of 10kg. If you’ve read my posts before you’ll know I’ve actually lost more than that, but now I’ve suddenly GAINED WEIGHT! 2kg to be more exact. I’m angry because this life changing journey of mine should be showing more results weight wise, but having been diagnosed with Crohns and this week something in my head and neck snapped and my neck is so extremely sore and now this LOAD OF BS.. My first though was “this is b*llshit”. My trainer was as shocked as me. I’ve been eating healthy, working out more than before, but something has disrupted the weight loss. I need to lose a kilo in a week or otherwise… I don’t know.. my trainer said we’d add even more workouts, but I’m all ready doing 7 days a week, I’m not sure I can handle it. I really need to fine tune my diet, check my calorie intake. 

Here’s a tip for you guys out there, make sure you eat enough!! I wasn’t eating enough before, and now I need to again keep track of my calories, maybe I’m not eating enough again. But this is seriously getting to me and I’m just furious with myself and my goddamn body that won’t do as I say. 🙂

But maybe the biggest difference is my mind, and my determination. A few years back something like this sent me off in a feeding frenzy, binge eating followed by depression and anxiety. Now although the same thoughts creep into my head, I can control them. They sound like  a nagging spoiled brat now, not like a wise adult like they did before, ie. I’m not taking my thought too seriously. I just focus on the goal ahead and try to make every day count. You can’t be hard on yourself all the time. I need to focus my energy on the training, not on the past weeks that apparently hasn’t gone so good. Sigh, step one, I’m going to go drink a glass of water and some tea and eat something, chicken and salad, I promise!

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